i still miss her

I know most people might skip over this post… because yes, it’s about my guinea pig, Maggie, who passed away five months ago. But honestly… I don’t care if no one else cares. I still miss her. So much. And I feel like I need to write this, at least for myself.

I don’t know how five months of her being gone can feel like the same amount of time as the seven years I got to enjoy her presence. Time can be so cruel.

I loved Maggie so much that one of my greatest fears was waking up one day and finding that she had passed away. One of my favorite things was seeing her happy face and singing “goooood moooorning!” as I went to greet her each day. I was always afraid I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to her before she left me.

Fast forward to 5.5 months ago. I went out to Utah for a week, and Michael took care of my piggies for me. He would send me pictures and updates. We knew that Maggie was really starting to show her age… and once again, I hoped she wouldn’t pass without me being there to say goodbye. I came home from Utah on May 4th.

On May 6th, I found Maggie flipped over on her back, unable to get up on her own. I knew in my heart that she was suffering, and she looked so tired. She had a tumor that seemed to have grown exponentially in a short time, which I’m guessing was some type of ovarian cancer (but I’m no doctor…). I cried so hard as I realized that there wasn’t really a choice. I didn’t want her to endure pain any longer, especially since I had no idea how long she was struggling on her back that way. What if it happened again?

I knew that Lelia was free that morning, so I called her, and through tears, I asked her to go to the vet with me. I’m so thankful that I had my sister there for comfort. I could not have done it alone.

We had a 12 pm appointment. Waiting was the hardest part. I pet her, held her, and talked to her. I told her I was so sorry, probably about a million times. Honestly, I felt like I didn’t do enough for my pigs after I got pregnant and had Kaya. Sure, she had all the necessities and a big cage to run in. I just hope she felt loved.

The vet examined her and agreed that it was time to say goodbye.

Maggie gave me these little kisses on my finger right up until the sedative kicked in. I took a long time petting her and saying my goodbyes. I told the vet I was ready (as ready as you can be to leave your best furry friend forever), and kissed her head one last time. The vet took her to the back room to put her to sleep (since guinea pigs have small veins, they don’t let the owner be there when they do it).

I’m so grateful I had the chance to say goodbye, even though I never expected to have to choose to have her put to sleep. I can still feel her soft fur under my fingertips, hear her happy “wheeeeeks!”, and see the way she used to shuffle around the cage when she was excited for something (usually veggies!).

Maggie, you might not have meant anything to the world, but you were a HUGE part of mine. I keep a picture of you on my nightstand, and there isn’t a day I don’t remember all the joy you brought to my life.

Thanks again, Magamuffin. See you again someday (and I hope you wobble up to me wheeking and looking for a carrot and a scratch on the head).

I still miss you.

I still love you.

insta-jam #11 (may 2013)

Now that we’re more than halfway through June… Yep. I’m a slowpoke, but that’s okay. Better late than never! I won’t write captions for all of them since they are pretty self-explanatory (aka my baby is CUTE and I take lots of pictures of her. Haha).

Baking too much; a bath in the sink at Grandma’s; playing with some plastic cups; and one of the last photos I have of my sweet Maggie just two days before we said goodbye.instajammay2013_1 Smiles; frozen keys for sore gums; waiting at the pond for a photoshoot; giggles.instajammay2013_2

She loves panda; I love these “Wendy’s fakeout” homemade chicken sandwiches; being cute; big beautiful eyes.
instajammay2013_3Juni (in motion!)
IMG_20130517_102337 One of the few “fun” baths we’ve ever had.IMG_20130516_214134 Rolling over on the changing table; grabbing toes; eating some yogurt for the first time; and cuddles.instajammay2013_4

The night we brought Jax home (look at that tail wagging); less-than-perfect mint chocolate cupcakes I made for a barbecue; chocolate chip cookies with my buddy; and Jax always trying to sit in my lap.instajammay2013_5

Beautiful; sleeping all crunched up in the corner of her crib; making her laugh is so easy; and letting Jax cuddle in our bed when Daddy isn’t looking.instajammay2013_6

Sheep that didn’t run when we walked up to them; my first walk with a baby AND a dog; enjoying the swings; and a hot, tired puppy.

ten things that make me happy

I saw this “Tuesday Topics” link-up, and it sounded pretty fun, so why not join in? Here ten things that make me happy, in no particular order… 🙂

1. falling asleep cuddling with my best friend
2. waking up to my sweet, smiling baby girl_MG_36873. my pets (and really any animals in general)

_MG_40214. photography
5. running
6. baking (and eating!) sweets
7. weekends (because that means family time!)
8. writing in my journal (I do it every single night)
9. visiting the temple_MG_459210. my whole crazy family_MG_8766

photo-a-day for may (1-6)

As I mentioned last week, I’m doing this photo challenge for May. So far, it’s been a lot of fun and it has helped me see each day a little differently!

Day 1 (I bought this!): “Granola” bars for the flight home. I don’t normally buy these, so they were a treat!

Day 2 (morning ritual): I run at least four miles, five times a week. Starting my day with exercise is so invigorating!IMG_20130502_231754

Day 3 (this is really good!): We had some AMAZING weather on Friday. It actually felt like spring! Kaya and I enjoyed some time outside with my mom and dad-in-law. Kaya is infatuated with Scrappy, and he was so patient with her!


Day 4 (in my cup): Sweet Frog frozen yogurt! I think I put nearly every chocolate topping on it…IMG_20130504_191120

Day 5 (paper): I received my institute diploma! (Institute is basically a church program that holds classes to study scriptures). I was missing just one class for credit, but I finally finished!IMG_20130505_203049

Day 6 (broken): My heart has been broken since I said goodbye to Maggie yesterday. I wanted one last picture together before we went to the vet.image

dear maggie

Dear Maggie,

Today, I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make.

I helped you leave all your aches and pains behind.

And I cried harder than I have in a very long time.IMG_1477

Maggie, your life meant so much more to me than I could ever write. We were best friends from the moment I first held you. You nestled into me and made that happy little noise you always would when you were content. My heart was stolen, and I begged my mom to let me take you home.IMG_1490You saw me graduate high school, get married, finish college, and even have a baby. You even had to have surgery to have an abscess removed. We might’ve seemed crazy to spend $400 to save a guinea pig, but it bought us three extra years together.IMG_6151IMG_6708When we were first married, I couldn’t find a job, and we were new at church without any friends. I felt lonely, but you were always there for snuggling. When people did start coming over, talking about you was the perfect ice-breaker.
IMG_8763I love your wiggly little nose, crazy fur, and the funny mohawk you’d get after a haircut.IMG_8776You were here on the earth with me for almost a third of my entire life. Today when we said goodbye, it almost felt as if a little piece of me went with you. I’m so grateful for the time I was able to nurture you and be your “mommy”. Thanks for being my first baby.

See you in Heaven someday.

Maggie (nicknamed Magamuffin, Muffin, Muffinhead, Mufftey, and Muffmuff)
December 20, 2005 – May 6, 2013

insta-jam for april

All you other super-cool-Android-using people probably know that Instagram finally came out for us this month! FINALLY. So of course I had to play with it, and it’s actually pretty convenient and fun for when you’re out with just your phone camera (does anyone really lug their DSLR everywhere, anyway?) So I thought I’d start a monthly post to show off all the seemingly insignificant things you’d otherwise miss out on if I hadn’t documented them with Instagram. Here’s April!

Can you tell that someone has a sweet tooth? Chocolate muffins, chocolate cookies, chocolate Poptarts, chocolate Dairy Queen Blizzard… Cravings, you say? What?

1 & 2: “Mini Panda” (the Beanie Baby) joined our panda family this month. Michael’s parents were cleaning out old stuff and found him, and if you know me, you know it’s obvious that he’d end up at our house… Don’t confuse him with Panda or Baby Panda.

3: One of my very favorite parts of the day is saying good morning to my piggies. Usually when I go to fill up their pellet bowl, I look up and their little noses are right there, waiting!

4: We had a cold, rainy, GROSS day here and Maggie definitely had the right idea- eating breakfast under her blanket! 🙂

1. Michael putting together baby furniture! He ended up doing the vast majority of it by hand!

2. Subway date

3. Sunday nap. Ain’t he cuuuute? Haha!

1. My first wire-wrapped ring (a rose)!

2. The Elders unexpectedly dropped in, and one of the first things out of their mouths was “Can we hold the pigs?” They hold them every time they’re at our house.

3 & 4: Mini golf date with my buddy this past weekend!

So there you go… hope you enjoyed the nonsensical ridiculousness!

cute animals

Kevin and GiGi gave us an *almost* surprise visit last week- which meant that we also got to meet their puppy, Macie! She's 12 weeks old and a lot of fun.

Oh yeah, she's pretty cute too.

And the world is her toy.

Puppies aren't the only cute animals in this world you know, so stop drooling and look this way! What's cuter than a clean guinea pig with a summer haircut?

Animals make me happier than a pig in the mud! or… a chinchilla in the dust! or… a cat in the litter box! Wait…

happy 5th birthday Maggie!

Happy Birthday Maggie!

Okay, so her real birthday remains unknown, but she most likely was born around this time of year, since I got her in January 2006. Maybe you'll think this is tacky, but it was love at first sight for her and I. That tiny fluffball instantly became one of my very best friends. How couldn't she be, when she will always snuggle and purr and listen to me for hours on end?

Happy birthday to my little "Maggamuffin", carrot-loving, chatterbox pig. You will always be my favorite hairy mop!

and… that’s a wrap!

Nothing extraordinary happened today but I feel like writing a few things anyway…

So tonight we had some homemade chicken wraps for dinner! Yeah yeah, not so fancy, I know. But hey, if you need to make something yummy in a pinch, and you like leftovers for lunch the next day… This is a pretty good idea.

If you make two chicken breasts, you'll get about 6 wraps. I shake-and-bake the chicken for 25 minutes, and once it comes out of the oven, I throw it in the tortilla with some lettuce, parmesan cheese, and some caesar dressing. And ta-da! A non-fancy, but delicious and quick, dinner.

The other little thing I want to write about is my Maggie. If you remember back to almost two months ago, you'll recall how worried I was about my sweet girl when she went into surgery for an abscess on her neck. After a lot of staples, antibiotics, and wound-flushing, she is back to her old self =) I'm really thankful for an amazing vet who did everything in his power to help her. And everything still looks normal!

Today I let Maggie run around on the floor a little while I got their dinner ready. She waited just outside the kitchen while I washed her lettuce, and once I started bringing it over to her cage, she ran after my feet as fast as she could! Maggie's biggest personality trait is surely her love for food.

Waiting patiently:


This weekend has been great! =) Yesterday we went clothes shopping together for the first time! It was fun, but guess who ended up getting more clothes? Yeah, Michael. haha! But it's cool, since he really needed some new things, like pants and polos… At the end of the day, I did get a cute new dress.

What else was great about yesterday? We went to our first movie (at the theater) together! (Yeah, I know, kinda sad that we've been married almost a year and haven't even been to the theater together… whaaaat?!). Michael surprised me by just driving there and beckoning me out of the car! I love his surprises. Anyway, we saw "How to Train Your Dragon", which I only heard about just last week… We did the 3D version and it was fabulous! I loved it. Especially the dragon- he was cute!

Michael also introduced me to the Dairy Queen "Blizzard". I got something called "chocolate extreme" but really it tasted kinda like nuts, not chocolate. weird. At least I finally tried one right?

Today I surprised Michael with a chocolate cake. Yum! =)

Michael decided to be a duck with his pringles:

And Maggie was cuddly. She even had a bath today! =)