I know most people might skip over this post… because yes, it’s about my guinea pig, Maggie, who passed away five months ago. But honestly… I don’t care if no one else cares. I still miss her. So much. And I feel like I need to write this, at least for myself.

I don’t know how five months of her being gone can feel like the same amount of time as the seven years I got to enjoy her presence. Time can be so cruel.

I loved Maggie so much that one of my greatest fears was waking up one day and finding that she had passed away. One of my favorite things was seeing her happy face and singing “goooood moooorning!” as I went to greet her each day. I was always afraid I wouldn’t get to say goodbye to her before she left me.

Fast forward to 5.5 months ago. I went out to Utah for a week, and Michael took care of my piggies for me. He would send me pictures and updates. We knew that Maggie was really starting to show her age… and once again, I hoped she wouldn’t pass without me being there to say goodbye. I came home from Utah on May 4th.

On May 6th, I found Maggie flipped over on her back, unable to get up on her own. I knew in my heart that she was suffering, and she looked so tired. She had a tumor that seemed to have grown exponentially in a short time, which I’m guessing was some type of ovarian cancer (but I’m no doctor…). I cried so hard as I realized that there wasn’t really a choice. I didn’t want her to endure pain any longer, especially since I had no idea how long she was struggling on her back that way. What if it happened again?

I knew that Lelia was free that morning, so I called her, and through tears, I asked her to go to the vet with me. I’m so thankful that I had my sister there for comfort. I could not have done it alone.

We had a 12 pm appointment. Waiting was the hardest part. I pet her, held her, and talked to her. I told her I was so sorry, probably about a million times. Honestly, I felt like I didn’t do enough for my pigs after I got pregnant and had Kaya. Sure, she had all the necessities and a big cage to run in. I just hope she felt loved.

The vet examined her and agreed that it was time to say goodbye.

Maggie gave me these little kisses on my finger right up until the sedative kicked in. I took a long time petting her and saying my goodbyes. I told the vet I was ready (as ready as you can be to leave your best furry friend forever), and kissed her head one last time. The vet took her to the back room to put her to sleep (since guinea pigs have small veins, they don’t let the owner be there when they do it).

I’m so grateful I had the chance to say goodbye, even though I never expected to have to choose to have her put to sleep. I can still feel her soft fur under my fingertips, hear her happy “wheeeeeks!”, and see the way she used to shuffle around the cage when she was excited for something (usually veggies!).

Maggie, you might not have meant anything to the world, but you were a HUGE part of mine. I keep a picture of you on my nightstand, and there isn’t a day I don’t remember all the joy you brought to my life.

Thanks again, Magamuffin. See you again someday (and I hope you wobble up to me wheeking and looking for a carrot and a scratch on the head).

I still miss you.

I still love you.