It was almost like a scene out of a sappy movie.
I sat in my car, alone, for the first time in who-knows-how long. The rain was coming down, the night was black, and There Goes My Life by Kenny Chesney was playing softly on the radio. I was getting all choked up, flipping through the photos of our family I had printed for Michael’s birthday gift.
There’s just something heart-striking about holding snapshots of your life in your hands. These babies are my life, and although imperfect at times, what a beautiful, wonderful life it truly is.
Adjusting to caring for two little girls has honestly gone more smoothly than I expected, but of course, there are still plenty of crazy moments.
My two babies make the days go faster and the nights pass slower. Sometimes, I sleep more hours of the night cuddling my baby in our rocking chair, passed out while nursing, instead of in my bed.
Now, the mountain of laundry seems to grow exponentially by the minute. If I finally have all the laundry folded, it’s the dishes in the sink that are creeping yet a little taller.
Sometimes it seems like they take turns crying, and it rips my heart out when I have to choose who to comfort first when they’re both sobbing. If I’m being honest, so much crying all at once can even feel frustrating at times.
I’m learning that after feeding everyone else, mom eats last. It’s not unusual to nurse the baby and balance the toddler on my lap (while she steals all the cheese from my salad) just so I can get something in my belly.
By the end of the day, I’m usually wearing someone else’s barf, pee, and/or poop. That’s just how it goes.
And yet despite all the craziness, I recognize the beauty in it all.
I have a baby to snuggle virtually any time I’d like, and when my big girl hugs me and puts her head on my shoulder, I feel complete.
Kaelyn smiles, scrunching up her whole face, making my heart swell like a balloon. My exhaustion seems to fade.
She coos and takes me in, wide-eyed, as though I’m the most intriguing person in this whole big world. I know that one day I won’t be her everything, but she will certainly always be mine.
I feel extra-special when Kaya takes a break from monkeying around at the playground, just to come over and give me a kiss.
When I do wake up from falling asleep in my rocking chair in the middle of the night, I’m overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the sweet, sleeping angel in my arms. I cherish those late-night cuddles.
It’s in these little moments that I find joy in the journey. The love we share outweighs all the crazy.
There’s just something about these two sweet girls that makes my heart burn. I thought my heart was full after having Kaya, but after Kaelyn, it seems there was a whole other chamber of it, perfectly capable of loving, I didn’t even know existed.
Time moves all too quickly, and I know one day I’ll be helping my girls pack their things and watching them drive off, just like in the song. At the end of it all, I know I’m going to wish for more time. I already miss them when they go to bed at night.
My hands are full.
So is my heart.
And I wouldn’t trade these days for anything.
“Finding Joy in the Journey“, Thomas S. Monson