It’s in these last days of pregnancy that I daydream and wonder. I wait for that moment when she’ll be placed on my chest for the first time. I imagine her smell, and all her precious, tiny features. How much will she look like Kaya?

It’s in these last days that any exclamation of pain has Michael immediately asking if I’m okay (usually it’s just my nerves). I find his hand on my stomach more often and his hugs a little more tender.

It’s in these last days that everything ends up splattered on my belly. Toothpaste, remnants of Kaya’s snack, and water from washing the dishes. My shirt could be in a modern art museum.

It’s in these last days that I wonder “how many?” How many more runs? How many more showers? How many more nights sleeping in my own bed without a tiny person next to it? How many more afternoons will Kaya and I sit together on the playground at the top of the slide, just the two of us, and blow bubbles together?

It’s in these last days that exercise feels impossible, but finishing a run or walk makes me feel like a million bucks.

It’s in these last days that my pelvis feels a little more sore; my belly a bit more crampy. I feel my body getting ready.

It’s in these last days that I cherish every hug and kiss from Kaya a little more, not knowing if it’s our last day as a family of three before everything changes.