(written January 26th)

Dear Kaya,

I wish you could know how much my heart hurts for you when you’re sick or in pain. Today, you were not your normal, happy-go-lucky self.

I’m going to blame it on all four of your canine teeth coming in at the same time.

No one one tells you how much you start to feel when you become a mother. Compared to now, it almost seems like I was walking around heartless before I had you.

Some little boy at church today kept trying to push you and take every toy you wanted to play with. Seeing your pouty little lip felt like sandpaper on my heart. You don’t know how much I wanted to run to you, hold you, and protect you from the world.

(source)

I don’t want anyone to make you sad.

I don’t want you to feel disappointed or let down.

But I know that as the years go on, you’ll have to learn the life lessons that every kid does.

I love you so much, Kaya. You opened my heart to whole new level of feeling, one I didn’t even knew existed. Your joy is my joy. Your pain is my pain.

And right now, I can hardly understand that I’m going to feel all that (and probably more) for yet another tiny person who I havent even met yet in just a few months.

Motherhood is crazy like that.

Motherhood is the best because of that.