sometimes, it’s rough

Let’s face it- on the blog, I mostly write about sunshine, rainbows, and/or unicorns. (Not really, but you get the idea, right?)

Today I’m going to be honest.

Life is hard sometimes.

I know that other people have trials that are so much bigger. So much harder.

But that doesn’t mean that YOUR troubles aren’t significant and sometimes even overwhelming.

We had a crazy weekend. For most of it, I was feeling pretty under the weather. I noticed on Saturday night that my guinea pig, Juni, really wasn’t looking so well. She was still eating, so I kept an eye on her.IMG_1497 [640x480]

When I woke up on Sunday, she was just lying there, barely hanging on to life.

“I think she waited for you”, Michael said.

I agreed.

I spent all morning with her. I stroked her fur, which seemed softer than ever. I told her I loved her. Her breathing became so slow that it was hard to tell exactly when she left us, but I believe it was just before we headed out to church.

This is the first time in almost 8 years I haven’t shared my home with a guinea pig. It’s strange. It feels empty.

We went to church, and suddenly, Kaya started to become lethargic and feverish. She has never been sick before (we have definitely been blessed), so it made me really nervous. We actually left a few minutes early to get her home, take her temperature, and see if she’d nap.

103.4 degrees.

I felt so helpless. She cried and cried and cried. My first instinct is to nurse her, but anytime I’d lay her down, she’d start bawling.

Sometimes (maybe even most of the time), I have no idea what I’m doing as a mom. I’m just making it up as I go along, and sometimes that doesn’t feel good enough.

She was still eating and drinking, so we didn’t take her in to her pediatrician until today. Her doctor said that she has seen a lot of kids lately with fevers that just run for a few days, and that’s all it is. Everything else looks good.

All these events seemed to accumulate into one big avalanche and completely cover me. Add some insomnia and sleep deprivation to our equation… and it made today seem so hard. I’m so thankful for Michael, because without him I would probably be 100 times more irrational and clueless.

I miss Juni. My heart breaks for my sick baby. I’m exhausted. But it’s okay. Life’s meant to be a little rough.

I also burnt our microwave out on Friday. I’m almost laughing at that one now. Almost.