Baby’s size: 10.5 inches long (the same as a carrot or a baseball cap)!
Maternity clothes?: Still just the jeans, although I’m about ready to switch over to shorts with how hot it’s already been! Regular shirts are still fitting okay but starting to get a little short. I probably only have a couple of weeks until I’m completely in maternity stuff.
Gender: It’s a BOY! He still has no name, but we have a little while to figure that out.
Symptoms: None!
Sleep: I still take a nap every afternoon. It’s crazy! I’m grateful that I can do that, though.
Movement: He moves SO MUCH! I love it. He seems to be constantly active between lunchtime and bedtime (and I guess he still could be moving while I’m asleep, but it doesn’t keep me awake). Sometimes, I feel him first thing in the morning, but generally, he’s a lot calmer. I felt kicks up above my belly button for the first time this week. I can’t believe he’s already big enough to reach that high!
Cravings: I still am not that into food… except for chocolate. I did have this oddly vivid dream of eating a chicken sandwich this week though. I might have to make that happen.
What I miss: Maybe just having more energy. It’s been tough to get things done.
Anything making you queasy or sick?: This week has definitely had a LOT more nausea than the past few. It usually comes in big waves throughout the day, but today was particularly bad because it just lingered all day long. I try not to complain and to stay strong, but when it feels nearly impossible to be functional, it’s hard.
Belly Button in or out?: In.
Exercising?: Ran 26.1 miles (longest run was 7.5 miles); walked 1.9 miles. Best average pace this week was 9:30 min/mile.
Mood: I’ve been a lot less anxious this week, which is great. I think nesting has started to a small degree because I keep coming up with house projects I want to do (I just need energy to actually make a plan and do them)!
Best moment this week: We’ve been trying to take more family walks when the weather is nice. All the girls want to hold my hand while Daddy pushes the stroller and it just melts my heart completely.
Looking forward to: This isn’t pregnancy-related, but after a couple of weeks and a lot of phone calls, our washing machine is being replaced next week (under warranty, thankfully)! I’m ready to have a working washer at our house again.
Big sisters: Kaya still always asks if he’s kicking! She really wants to feel him again, but it’s tricky to time it.
We were able to find out the baby’s gender at 15 weeks this time! I went in for an elective ultrasound just to be able to see the baby at all. I really wanted some peace of mind, and getting a quick glance at a fully-formed little person was such a gift. Finding out the gender early was a bonus. It’s always so special to get to know the little person who has been kicking and rolling around in there!
Because of COVID-19, I wasn’t able to take anyone with me to the 15-week or 20-week ultrasounds. I definitely understand, but I will admit that it was a little disappointing not to have Michael and the girls there to see the baby rolling around, hear the heartbeat, and find out the gender at the same time as me. So, I tried to make it as special and fun as I could for the girls by getting some of those powder cannons from a “gender reveal” website. We’d never used these before, and it turned out to be a blast (literally) for everyone! It was also a fun bonus to be able to send the video to our families and watch their reactions later.
Before we did the reveal, we asked everyone their guesses:
Kaya guessed BOY but really wanted a GIRL.
Kaelyn guessed GIRL.
Nella always said it was a BOY and wanted to name him Cookie Monster.
Eve said GIRL but really had no idea what she was talking about!
Daddy had no real guess!
My guess was BOY (mostly because I only had one dream about the baby beforehand, and it was a boy)!
So, without further ado…
It’s a…
…
…
…
…
…
BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have so many emotions… but the biggest one is gratitude.
I don’t know what it’s going to be like to be a “boy mom”, and in some ways, it makes everything feel new and different. I do know that I already love this little guy so much, and he’s going to be absolutely adored by his sisters. They can’t stop talking about how they “can’t wait to be big sisters to a little brother!”
It’s a big change for us! I’ll openly admit that I cried some tears at first for fear of not knowing what to expect with a boy, worrying I won’t be good at being his mom, and a little sadness at not being able to use all the sweet girl clothes I have stored away once again. The ongoing joke that we “only know how to make girls” is now over, and everything will change once this little boy makes his way into the world.
We already love him, and he’s been such a huge part of our family from the moment we knew he existed. I know he’s going to fit in just fine!
We celebrated with blue freezie pops after telling the girls, of course!
Now, send me all the boy names, because we have absolutely no idea what his is going to be!
Baby’s size: Baby measured 13 ounces at our ultrasound! That’s the 43rd percentile. This is about the same size as a sweet potato, a banana, or a paper airplane.
Maternity clothes?: Just jeans! I have a lot of stretchy and tunic-like shirts this time around that are still working great.
Gender: It’s a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!! We are so excited for our sweet, precious baby boy to join our family.
Symptoms: I can feel some ligaments in my belly stretching and they get a little sore sometimes, especially on my right. Also, bending down already feels weird!
Sleep: Sleep has been a lot better this week. Once I fall asleep, I don’t wake up as much as I was. I had a dream this week where everything was kind of fuzzy, but I knew I was holding my baby. The joy was so tangible that I didn’t want to wake up.
Movement: He’s still not usually very active in the morning, although there was one night that I woke up every few hours and felt him dancing around every single time. I think he usually rests in the first half of the day, when I’m busy running around and doing things, but as soon as I lay down for a nap, he is absolutely wild. I love it.
Cravings: I made brownies this week! Also, I got a surprise porch-drop gift from a friend with all my favorite things right now in it: salty, sweet, and sour!
What I miss: Nothing!
Anything making you queasy or sick?: I have random waves of nausea, but I’ve been holding up okay this week.
Belly Button in or out?: In.
Exercising?: Ran 25.2 miles (longest run was 6.8 miles); walked 1 mile. Best average pace this week was 9:17 min/mile.
Mood: Honestly, I had a lot of anxiety around my anatomy scan this week. I’m thankful to have several amazing family members who have helped me manage my fears and stress.
Best moment this week: Watching baby wiggle, yawn, stretch, and put his hands up by his face at the ultrasound. And look at his little profile! SO adorable. I think maybe he’ll look like Eve?!
Looking forward to: Enjoying some free time with my girls now that we have a few weeks off of school for summer!
Big sisters: Kaya and Kaelyn finally got to feel him kick! It was still soft enough that they really had to pay attention to recognize it. They loved it so much. I’ve also gotten a few clothes for him, and when Kaya sees them, she always says, “Seeing his clothes just makes me want to meet him and hold him!” So sweet.
Baby’s size: About 6 inches long from crown to rump and 8.5 ounces, which is apparently similar in size to a hedgehog, a Gameboy, or a mango!
Maternity clothes?: Still just the jeans! I’m in regular tops and running clothes for now.
Gender: Less than a week until I get to see our sweet baby and then do our gender reveal here!
Symptoms: Do sore feet count? I remember getting sore feet mostly when I was pregnant with Eve, and it seems like they’re back this time.
Sleep: Overall, sleep has been a challenge for me during this pregnancy. I have a hard time falling asleep at night, and then tend to be very restless. I still take a nap every afternoon for 2-2.5 hours. This past week, I had wildlife-related nightmares- Michael and I were bitten by wolves in one, and a bear was coming through the window in another. It seems so random.
Movement: The kicks, jabs, and wiggles are definitely getting stronger! This baby seems to be most active in the afternoon and evening, but not so much in the morning. I remember my other babies being on the move as soon as I’d open my eyes in the morning, so it’s definitely different. Maybe we’ll have a newborn who likes to sleep in (one can hope, right?)!
Cravings: Maybe just chocolate brownies, but I haven’t made any. Michael did bring me a Greek gyro this week, and that was amazing.What I miss: Nothing!
Anything making you queasy or sick?: I still physically gag at some smells (mostly yogurt and salad dressing), but overall, it’s been a good week!
Belly Button in or out?: In.
Exercising?: My Garmin watch was still out for repair this week, but I pretty much followed my regular running schedule!
Mood: I’ve been a little weepy this week, to be honest, but I’m trying my best to be hopeful and look forward to holding a fresh new baby in the fall.
Best moment this week: Feeling more and more bigger movements. It’s the best.
Looking forward to: Watching this little baby moving around when I have my anatomy scan next week!
Big sisters: Kaya and Kaelyn love pretending to be a doctor and a nurse so that they can “listen to the baby’s heartbeat”. So so sweet! Kaya keeps asking if the baby is kicking, because she very much wants to be able to feel it for herself. Probably soon!
(written May 22nd)Baby’s size: A sweet potato, a croissant, a slingshot (??? so random), or a sugar glider according to the Ovia app.
Maternity clothes?: Maternity jeans, all the time! I am all about being comfortable this time around. I think I am going to need some new shorts for summer though- my old ones were used so much they’ve really been worn thin. I’m still wearing regular tops for now!
Gender: Two more weeks until we see the baby again and confirm the gender. I’m not expecting anything to change, but I’m saving the surprise until then!
Symptoms: I’m just kind of feeling like my belly is already so big for 18 weeks! I know I’ll look back and laugh at myself for saying that, but I already feel a difference getting around.
Sleep: I take a 2.5-hour nap every afternoon. It’s crazy, I know. I feel like it’s actually been easier to get naps during this pregnancy now that the girls are a bit older. They understand how much I need to rest, and they are good at playing quietly, reading, or napping themselves. Eve still naps at the same time as me, of course.
Movement: This little sweetie moves SO MUCH that I can’t even believe how strong the kicks and punches are. Afternoon is the most active time (probably because I usually lie down and take a nap). I saw my belly move from the outside for the first time this week and it was surprising and special.
Cravings: Chocolate. I made brownies this week! Mmm.
What I miss: Nothing!
Anything making you queasy or sick?: I had a pretty good week overall! I still can’t stand the smell of yogurt or the girls’ salad dressing, so they have been helping with the lunchtime dishes. I had only one day where the nausea controlled me and I couldn’t really do anything.
Belly Button in or out?: In, but it’s starting to look a little wider already!
Exercising?: I’m still waiting for my watch to be repaired, so I don’t have my mileage, but I did run regularly and got out for at least one walk with the girls.
Mood: I’m feeling more optimistic and trying to be positive lately.
Best moment this week: I had a really special moment where the baby kicked my hand for the first (and second and third) time! It’s crazy to think that we can both feel each other but can’t see one another. It amazes me every time.
Looking forward to: I’m still counting down to seeing our baby at the anatomy scan! I’m also happy that Michael has Memorial Day off and we can rest a little.
Big sisters: They are so excited for this little baby that they can hardly wait. Everyone kisses my belly goodnight, even little Eve. Nella keeps coming up with names for the baby, which usually involve a character from Sesame Street. This week she branched out and suggested “Baby Furby”. Haha!
I’m going back and posting these now, although I wrote them before we publicly announced our pregnancy. I love looking back on them, and I still love making these chalkboards, so here we go!
Baby’s size: A chipmunk!
Maternity clothes?: I switched over to maternity jeans right at 16 weeks, which is the earliest I’ve ever taken them out! My regular jeans were still buttoning, but I honestly was so uncomfortable and crampy by the end of the day that they’d always end up unbuttoned (or I’d end up in my sweatpants as soon as dinner was over). I always waited too long to make the switch with my other pregnancies, so I’ve finally wised up this time. Why be uncomfortable? They are definitely still big with room to grow, though.
Gender: We know!!! We’ve known for 2 weeks already, and I can’t wait to share, but I’m just holding off until it’s confirmed at our anatomy scan.
Symptoms: I’ve already felt the ligaments in my lower stomach stretching, and I’ve just had general “growing” feelings.
Sleep: I’m sleeping possibly more than I ever have in my life (since having kids, anyway). Michael still likes to stay up late, so I will usually get 6-7 hours at night, and then I get a 2.5-3 hour nap every afternoon.
Movement: This baby is wild and moves SO MUCH! I honestly can’t believe how often I feel big kicks and jabs.
Cravings: Sour Lifesaver gummies and anything chocolate.
What I miss: Maybe I miss having a little more energy, but I wouldn’t trade this for anything.
Anything making you queasy or sick?: I still have my moments when I feel just awful, and my sensitivity to certain smells is just incredible. I can’t sit next to the girls at lunchtime because the yogurt smell mingling with salad dressing is awful! Overall, though, this is the week I’ve really started feeling a lot better.
Belly Button in or out?: In.
Exercising?: My GPS watch broke at the end of April, and I’m waiting for it to get repaired, so I don’t have my exact mileage. I have been running regularly, and I know my longest this week was a 10k.
Mood: I cry SO easily these days. I was choking back tears during the national anthem on Michael’s graduation broadcast today. To be honest, I’ve also been easily irritated lately. Oops. I need to do better with that.
Best moment this week: Getting to hear baby’s heartbeat and my OB saying it’s “perfect”. So grateful.
Looking forward to: More warm weather like we had this week, and finishing up the school year!
Big sisters: They are SO EXCITED to have a sweet new baby. They keep telling me that it’s such a long wait until October. Also, Nella saw my bare belly today and said, “It’s like HoHoHo (Santa), but it’s a baby!!!” Hahaha. Wearing non-maternity pants in this week’s picture definitely didn’t help with that.
Comparison: 17 weeks with Nella, and 17 weeks withEve (apparently I didn’t really start bump posts with Kaya and Kaelyn until 18 weeks)!
It’s definitely been a journey to get this little baby growing in my belly. I know many people have a story even longer and harder than this, but I still wanted to share some of the raw, honest feelings that have been along the road to this pregnancy.
This is our “rainbow baby”, which is a term people use to refer to a baby they have after a previous loss.
Our losses were double. Twice we found out we were pregnant, and twice, it ended all too soon.
I was shaken emotionally and physically. I blamed myself. It’s tremendously difficult not to.
I still think about both of those babies, and who they would have been. I still cry and grieve over them and the time we weren’t granted together.
However, if either of them were here, this sweet baby kicking in my belly wouldn’t be, which is impossible to think about.
Miscarriage has taught me that you can grieve and feel gratitude simultaneously. And that’s okay. One emotion doesn’t negate the other. They coexist, and I think, as hard as it is, perhaps they’re meant to. Sorrow makes love all the more sweet.
We already love this tiny person with all our hearts and souls.
So, with much gratitude, I want to celebrate this new life as much as possible.
Our due date is October 17, 2020.
I got to have my first ultrasound the earliest I’ve ever had one- at 6 weeks 6 days. All I could see was a tiny dot with a heartbeat, and it felt so surreal.
That tiny baby dot was everything to me, and yet, I still felt so disconnected from it all, as if I had been watching someone else go through the earlier losses and the beginning stages of a new pregnancy. Bonding with this new baby has taken longer, just out of natural caution.
I’m feeling close to the baby now for sure, although there’s still a lot of anxiety I’ve had to work through. There’s been so much prayer for this tiny person. I’ve also been practicing meditation and yoga, all with the hope that I can have hope, faith, and calmness instead of fear. I’m trying my best, and I’d say it’s improving a little each week.
We told the girls we were pregnant after my first ultrasound. I wrapped up these “new baby” books, and they were so excited, although it seemed to take a few minutes to really sink in!
I have been so sick again this time. I basically lived on my homemade pumpkin bread, just like I did with Eve, for most meals in the first trimester. I don’t know what it is about that pumpkin bread… the texture and spices, maybe, but it always seemed to be the only thing my stomach could handle.
The nausea started in week 5 this time (super early!), and is still going, although it did start to subside slightly around 14.5 weeks. I did lose a little bit of weight, but not as much as I did with Eve. I started to feel more normal consistently at 17 weeks, although there are still really hard days and moments here and there.
Aversions have included almost everything. Ha! Salad dressing and Greek yogurt are huge ones, and since that’s what the girls eat every day for lunch, it’s been a challenge. I can’t sit next to them at lunch still, which is a little sad for everyone. I couldn’t eat my own salad for a long time, and now that I finally am again, it has to be only with the Olive Garden dressing you can get at the store. Any other brand is impossible. Crazy how that works.
I’m basically planning on just being sick on and off until the end of pregnancy like I was with Eve. I remember when she was born and I finally felt like I could eat. It was such a sweet relief, and I look forward to that feeling again!
I don’t think I’ve had too many cravings, since I’ve mostly just been in survival mode as far as eating. I do seem to want all the salty things, though. I’ve also liked those sour gummy Lifesavers (sour helps the nausea) and Twizzlers.
We had an elective ultrasound at 15 weeks. With in-person appointments spaced out drastically due to COVID-19, I was eager to hear the heartbeat for the first time and see my baby. I’m so glad I was able to go and watch the heart pumping and fingers and toes wiggling for a few moments. It was definitely worth it just for my own peace of mind.
As a bonus, we were also able to find out the gender early! I’m waiting until our anatomy scan in a few more weeks to publish it to the internet, though. It’s kind of fun to space out the surprises, and it also doesn’t hurt to get it confirmed first! Honestly, though, we really, truly, just wanted another sweet baby, regardless of gender.
This little person is a wild and crazy mover. I started feeling what were definitely baby movements at week 14, and honestly, although it sounds crazy, I had a lot of flutters that I wondered about even a couple of weeks before that. This baby loves to sit on my right side in a big hard ball, leaving my left side empty and soft.
I feel like my bump popped out so early this time, but maybe that’s just a fifth baby for you. It feels like it’s a whole month bigger than it was last time around.
Other random notes:
I transferred to a completely different OB office for this pregnancy. When I went to my previous care provider for help with my miscarriages, I felt unheard and, in some ways, not cared for properly. I really came away from them with some uncomfortable feelings, and the biggest reason for my transfer was the fact that if I did get pregnant again, they still didn’t want to see me (even for bloodwork) until the typical first appointment at 10-ish weeks. As soon as I knew I was pregnant this time, I had an appointment to talk to my new OB, got hCG betas done, and had an earlier ultrasound. Receiving adequate care and feeling heard is crucial, and I’m glad I followed my instincts and made the switch. I’m not a medical professional, but feeling like my care provider actually has time for me and that I can trust them is huge.
Being pregnant during the COVID-19 pandemic has been worrisome. My doctor appointments have been scheduled differently, and there’s always the uncertainty of what future care and hospital protocol will look like as time goes on. I’m grateful for telehealth visits, but it was hard waiting to hear the heartbeat for the very first time until 15 weeks.
However, with the pandemic, Michael has been working from home, and that has been a blessing in so many ways. He has made lunches for the girls so I wouldn’t have to gag over the smell of their food. He’s changed Eve’s dirty diapers, for obvious reasons. It’s been a huge comfort just to know he’s downstairs, and I can ask him for something I truly need, or even just go down for a hug if I’m emotional. He has been my rock, as he always is, and having him here with us full time has been a silver lining to all the uncertainty in the world right now.
Don’t worry, he’s been working on his bump, too.
We’re so grateful and hopeful for this sweet new addition to our family. We love you, Baby!
After two early miscarriages, we are looking forward to welcoming our precious Baby #5 in October. I haven’t shared before now because, to be completely honest, I have spent a lot of this pregnancy feeling absolutely terrified something will go wrong.
But fear is paralyzing, and I’m tired of hiding behind it, sacrificing the peace and joy it steals from my heart.
This little life deserves to be celebrated. Our hearts are overflowing with gratitude and love.
Here’s to hope and happiness ahead. We can’t wait to meet you in about five months, Baby.
You grew inside my belly for such a short time. I loved you as fiercely as I could while I had you, fearing that our time together could be cut short. Again.
You were going to be our rainbow baby after our early pregnancy loss last November.
I felt both pure joy and absolute terror when the pregnancy tests confirmed you were there. I was afraid of having another loss, like last time. I knew I had to love you and take it day by day, praying and hoping that you wouldn’t leave. I was nervous, but I never actually thought we’d lose you, too.
Having a pregnancy loss is tremendously difficult on so many levels. It’s impossible to cram an entire lifetime of loving someone into such a short time, only to be left with heartache. There are no memories. No ultrasound photos. Nothing.
You were real to me and your Daddy, but no one else. I’ve felt at times like I’ve had to justify my grieving, because no one else knew you even existed. I was afraid of hearing other people say out loud what that harsh, critical voice in my mind has said to me so many times:
It was just so early. You’re really so fortunate to already have four healthy kids. Why did you push your luck trying for one more? You’re selfish. You’re older and worn out now. What did you think was going to happen? You are broken.
Deep down, I know that none of those things are true. My heart still had a big open space, waiting to be filled with love for another sweet baby. You were not hoped for out of selfishness, but out of love.
We didn’t have long together, but it was long enough to wonder who you would have been. Which of your sisters would you have looked like? Boy or girl? Brunette or blond? Curly hair or straight? Would you have had the same funny little toe that Kaya and Nella both inherited from me? I wish I could have heard your laugh and seen your smile.
It was long enough to put a note under your Daddy’s pillow and surprise him that we would finally be getting our rainbow baby in September. He was happy and sweet. One day, I know I’ll be able to watch that video again without my heart feeling completely shattered.
I had no idea how hard a miscarriage is on a body, even when it’s early. The abrupt hormonal changes had me feeling weak and exhausted, physically and emotionally. It took two weeks until I had a day where I didn’t feel dizzy or like fainting. The weight of it all can seem crushing, at times.
Through all this, I’ve learned that no matter how downtrodden I feel, no matter how dark it may seem, I have to hold on to hope. Without hope, nothing else seems to matter. As one of the new Frozen songs states, “You are gone, hope is lost, but I must go on, and do the next right thing.”
I’m sorry you didn’t get to stay, but I have hope that I will meet you one day on the other side. You won’t have a whole collection of blog posts and letters from me like your sisters do, but you at least deserved this one.
Eve Faith July 07, 2018 8:17 am 6 pounds 20.25 inches long 13-inch head circumferenceShe’s here! She’s here! And she’s perfect. Today was her due date, but we’ve already been loving this little sweetie for four whole days. I keep having to remind myself that she is in fact only four days old, because in a way, it feels like she’s been here with us forever, and I can hardly remember our world without her in it.We’re in the midst of adjusting to life with a brand-new baby again. Sleep is short, diaper changes are abundant, and nursing is an around-the-clock event, but baby snuggles and soaking in her sweetness are the rewards that make it all worthwhile. It always amazes me how much love I instantly feel for all our babies when they arrive, and little Eve fits right in.I was able to have the natural unmedicated birth that I had hoped for for so long, and although it was intense and challenging, the experience will always be something I cherish and feel so much gratitude for. Michael was the best birth partner I ever could have asked for, and I’m excited to share the whole story soon.Evie, you are more than worth the long physical battle of pregnancy. Trading months of nausea and sickness for having you with us forever is something I would do for you many times over. Now I can eat again, and we get to enjoy pancakes together! 😉We love you so much little Eve, and you’ve already brought so much joy to our family. Thank you for choosing us.
She’s here! She’s here! And she’s perfect. Today was her due date, but we’ve already been loving this little sweetie for four whole days. I keep having to remind myself that she is in fact only four days old, because in a way, it feels like she’s been here with us forever, and I can hardly remember our world without her in it.
We’re in the midst of adjusting to life with a brand-new baby again. Sleep is short, diaper changes are abundant, and nursing is an around-the-clock event, but baby snuggles and soaking in her sweetness are the rewards that make it all worthwhile. It always amazes me how much love I instantly feel for all our babies when they arrive, and little Eve fits right in.
We love you so much little Eve, and you’ve already brought so much joy to our family. Thank you for choosing us.