from moments to memories

The blog has been pretty quiet this week, mostly because all my allotted computer time has gone toward putting together my 2013 photos for a printed book. I’ve gone through almost all of that year, retouching some and choosing favorites.

As I sift through this conglomeration of moments, I, of course, start feeling a little sentimental. How has so much time passed so quickly? Our everyday life has changed so much in the past two years. What once were ordinary occurrences are now some of my favorite memories.

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I’m grateful for all those times those little arms wrap around me. All the late nights nursing a baby back to sleep. The laughs and squeals only a daddy could get out of his little girls.

Life (especially with little ones) seems to go fast and slow all at the same time. It’s easy to focus on the minutes… but here’s to cherishing the moments a little more. In the end, I think that’s what’s going to matter most.

a blessing, not a burden

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I’ve spent most of this week sick (for the second time within the past two weeks), which is normally a rare occurrence for me. I’m finally starting to feel like my normal self again (just in time for some Christmas festivities this weekend)!

Honestly though… It’s not easy being mom and feeling awful all at the same time. Your body just begs you to sleep and rest, but you’ve got mouths to feed, bums to wipe, and two-year-old mood swings to handle.

It’d be so easy to see all this as a burden (especially when you don’t get that nap you so desperately need)…

… but I’d count having my babies with me on a sick day as a blessing.

How couldn’t I feel a little better at the sight of their smiles? Having Kaya play kitchen with me was also a pretty good distraction, and I had the best little snuggle buddy in the world to keep me company.
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I’d spend any day with them. I’m so grateful for my little sidekicks and honestly wish they didn’t have to grow up and leave home.

(Let it also be noted: Michael is equally amazing. He finished my laundry, let me go to bed early, and even did my grocery shopping!)

I am one lucky gal.

my littlest love

I’ve loved her from the moment I knew she was growing inside of me.

I knew I’d do anything to keep her healthy and safe. She made my heart so full, right from the start._MG_4394 - Copy

And yet, there’s nothing like the fierce, uncompromising love I’ve felt growing in my heart for her since that moment we first met face-to-face.

It’s completely true what they say- you will love your second baby with the same intensity and devotion as your first. It’s incredible how two completely different little people can capture my heart so fully. So equally.Processed with VSCOcam with lv02 preset

There are so many little things I completely adore about her.

I never want to forget how much she loves to hold on to me, and be held. She grips my finger with her whole little hand while she nurses.

She’s got the softest, fuzziest hair of any baby I’ve ever touched. I love to brush my lips up against it when I carry her in my arms. It’s starting to grow into a puffy little mohawk and I almost wish it’d just stay that way forever.

We spend our afternoons snuggling, just the two of us, while Big Sister naps. Sometimes, we just hang out, laughing and staring at each other.Processed with VSCOcam with t1 presetI hope it’s always so easy to make her smile. Her first laugh was one of the sweetest sounds I’ve ever heard._MG_4553She seems especially snuggly and warm first thing in the morning. After I come home from my run, she’s so excited to hear my voice again that she flails her arms and legs (we call it her “happy dance”)!_MG_4528Sometimes, she takes breaks between gulping down milk to look up at me, smile, and chat. I love our early-morning conversations._MG_4609I just can’t get enough of her sweet little cheeks, so I usually sneak in one last kiss before I climb into bed at night. I’m going to miss her sleeping in our room for that reason alone!

This tiny girl filled a void in my heart that I didn’t even know was there.Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

joy in the journey

It was almost like a scene out of a sappy movie.

I sat in my car, alone, for the first time in who-knows-how long. The rain was coming down, the night was black, and There Goes My Life by Kenny Chesney was playing softly on the radio. I was getting all choked up, flipping through the photos of our family I had printed for Michael’s birthday gift.

There’s just something heart-striking about holding snapshots of your life in your hands. These babies are my life, and although imperfect at times, what a beautiful, wonderful life it truly is._MG_3848

Adjusting to caring for two little girls has honestly gone more smoothly than I expected, but of course, there are still plenty of crazy moments.

My two babies make the days go faster and the nights pass slower. Sometimes, I sleep more hours of the night cuddling my baby in our rocking chair, passed out while nursing, instead of in my bed.

Now, the mountain of laundry seems to grow exponentially by the minute. If I finally have all the laundry folded, it’s the dishes in the sink that are creeping yet a little taller.

Sometimes it seems like they take turns crying, and it rips my heart out when I have to choose who to comfort first when they’re both sobbing. If I’m being honest, so much crying all at once can even feel frustrating at times.

I’m learning that after feeding everyone else, mom eats last. It’s not unusual to nurse the baby and balance the toddler on my lap (while she steals all the cheese from my salad) just so I can get something in my belly.

By the end of the day, I’m usually wearing someone else’s barf, pee, and/or poop. That’s just how it goes.

And yet despite all the craziness, I recognize the beauty in it all._MG_3276_blur

I have a baby to snuggle virtually any time I’d like, and when my big girl hugs me and puts her head on my shoulder, I feel complete.

Kaelyn smiles, scrunching up her whole face, making my heart swell like a balloon. My exhaustion seems to fade.

She coos and takes me in, wide-eyed, as though I’m the most intriguing person in this whole big world. I know that one day I won’t be her everything, but she will certainly always be mine.Processed with VSCOcam with m5 preset

I feel extra-special when Kaya takes a break from monkeying around at the playground, just to come over and give me a kiss.

When I do wake up from falling asleep in my rocking chair in the middle of the night, I’m overwhelmed with love and gratitude for the sweet, sleeping angel in my arms. I cherish those late-night cuddles.

It’s in these little moments that I find joy in the journey. The love we share outweighs all the crazy.

There’s just something about these two sweet girls that makes my heart burn. I thought my heart was full after having Kaya, but after Kaelyn, it seems there was a whole other chamber of it, perfectly capable of loving, I didn’t even know existed.

Time moves all too quickly, and I know one day I’ll be helping my girls pack their things and watching them drive off, just like in the song. At the end of it all, I know I’m going to wish for more time. I already miss them when they go to bed at night.

My hands are full.

So is my heart.

And I wouldn’t trade these days for anything.Processed with VSCOcam with lv03 preset

Finding Joy in the Journey“, Thomas S. Monson

it’s the little things, like kisses and hiccups

A few of my favorite “little things” as of late feel a lot like big things. Some of these moments last only a few seconds, but I never want to forget…_MG_2774

The way Kaya looks at me, smiles, and gently strokes my hair.

How she caught me crying one afternoon, and started wiping my tears away with my shirt.

When she kisses me at the top of the slide, just before going down and yelling “buh-BYE!”

How happy she was to share cookies on the kitchen floor in the middle of the afternoon for no reason.

All the kisses she gave me when she woke up from Sunday nap and I was still fast asleep.

Feeling our second sweet baby dance to the same Luke Bryan song that Kaya loves.

Having hiccups in my belly that aren’t my own.

Loving these two girls with my whole heart (which is even bigger than I ever imagined it could be).

Linking up with Ashley and Jess!

blog every day in may | day 31: something I’m looking forward to this summer

Here we are… the last day in May! I’m glad I stuck with the challenge and wrote all the posts. It’s been fun!blogeverydaymaybutton31_2I hope it’s obvious what I’m most excited for this summer.

Tiny toes, late-night snuggles, and spending a million moments memorizing all her features.

Taking my two girls for walks every day.

Nursing again.

Kissing her forehead.

Having my heart grow another size bigger.

mother’s day 2014

I know I’m a little late posting about Mother’s Day, but we were out of town spending a fabulous week at the beach, so I’m going to catch-up a little now 🙂

This Mother’s Day was the best yet. I got extra hugs, kisses, and compliments, and just felt a little extra-loved all day long. Kaya didn’t want to take a picture with me, but that’s pretty typical these days.
05112014collage1 I actually woke up before Michael (which is typical), had breakfast, and started getting ready for the day when he drowsily told me that he had hidden away donuts as a breakfast surprise! Luckily, there’s no law against eating donuts for lunch 🙂Processed with VSCOcam with a5 preset

Michael was super sweet and gave me a little at-home pedicure. He actually did a really great job- my toes looked so pretty for our beach trip!

I even got to take a nap, which is something I definitely cherish these days. I’m not sure I’m going to get any sleep at all in just a few weeks when our new little girl gets here! It’s so crazy to think that next Mother’s Day, I’ll be trying to hold two girls in my arms for a picture (although I’m sure Kaya will be running away from the camera by then…)

blog every day in may | day 11: dear 5-year-old me

Dear Five-Year-Old Me,

Being 5 is pretty great, isn’t it? You’re in preschool, and you just became a big sister. I’m not sure if anyone was as excited as you were to meet your baby brother.

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You’re your mom’s special “little helper” now that your brother is here. You love to feed him bottles and don’t even mind helping with diaper changes.

One day, though, you’ll start to think that you don’t want to be a mother yourself when you grow up. Having a career seems so much more important. Don’t devalue your education, but also don’t allow it overtake every aspect of your future. There is so much more to life than just getting good grades and big paychecks.

Even after you get married, you’ll start to wonder if you were really meant to be a mom. Hang on to those memories and feelings you had when you’d help out with your baby brother. Your loving attitude and ability to nurture make it obvious that this is what you were born to do; it just won’t always seem so evident to you.

Nineteen years from now, you’ll have your very own little girl. The love you’ll feel for her will be incredible. You’ll finally have an idea of what your own parents feel for you. On a small scale, you’ll better understand how much your Heavenly Father truly loves you.

Stay true to yourself. You can do anything you commit your heart to.

blog every day in may | day 10: on my heart

I’ve had a countdown widget on my phone’s home screen for a few months now.

Today it reads, “53 days until my baby is born“.

It’s obviously just an estimate, but seeing that reminder each day just gives me a little dose of reality.

We are SO CLOSE to having two kids. Two little girls who need their mama and daddy for everything.

I can’t even explain how grateful I am for both of them.

Our Peanut gets stronger and stronger by the day, making her presence even more known. Her wiggles and kicks are the last things I’m aware of before I fall asleep at night, and they’re what I first recognize when I wake up in the morning.

Soon enough, those kicks will be replaced by cries for milk and diaper changes.

I am already so smitten by this new little girl. Between her and Kaya, my heart might actually explode from being so full.

_MG_5022(Kaya, 3 days old)

I just hope I can be the best mama to the two of them. I’ve wondered and worried a little about how I’ll balance a newborn needing to nurse with a toddler who can seem more like a little monkey at times.

I’ve realized that I want to give both girls 100 percent of my best efforts, but I can’t help asking myself how it’ll be possible (100% divided by 2 is 50%… and that isn’t really what I’m going for). I want them both to have all the things they need and some of what they want. And I hope that my attention isn’t so divided that either of them feels left out.

I know it’s going to take some time to figure out a new routine and way of life. This new baby is only going to add to our lives, even if it might be a little difficult at times, especially in the beginning. We’ll figure it out and do better than we ever thought we could.

be here

By Saturday night, we were all feeling sick (well, not Jax, lucky dog… see what I did there?). Somehow, I was hoping that Kaya and I wouldn’t catch what Michael had… but with all the snuggling we do in this family, we were pretty much in for it.
0302014weekendcollageBetween getting shots earlier in the week and then fighting this little sick bug, Kaya has been a little extra needy lately.

She wants to cuddle and sleep on me, and it doesn’t matter if I’m still in my running clothes, haven’t showered, or have bread dough rising on the counter for hours more than it should be.

The thought that keeps running through my head is just how important it is that I just be here for her.

So whether she wants me to snuggle with her all day, read books, blow a million bubbles, or just play on her own without me, I’m so glad I get to be here.

These days are so precious to me.