kaelyn: 12 months

(written July 1st)_MG_8365Height: 28 inches (14%)
Weight: 16 pounds 13 ounces (1%)
Head circumference: 17.25 inches (14%)
Clothing size: 9-12 month for the most part, but I could have cried when I put her in a 12-18-month onesie and it wasn’t too ridiculously big to wear. Where is my tiny baby?
Teeth: Two down in front and one top middle one barely poking through!
Eating: She’s nursing 5-6 times per day still, and eating a solid-food dinner every night! We’re still doing fruit purees and puffs, as well as Greek yogurt (she can eat a whole serving, which never fails to impress me, since I find Greek yogurt to be kind of heavy on my stomach)! She has also tried cucumbers and a little bit of pasta and seems to really like both!Favorite things: Her little stuffed guinea pig is still at the top of the list! Now that she can crawl around, she takes her piggy with her anywhere she goes. She loves to go upside down, be “tossed” in the air and caught, give slobbery kisses, and dance. Favorite toys are my tupperware containers, Little People animals, and the toy piano she got for her birthday. She also just loves if I fill up a bucket or box with random toys and she can discover each one as she pulls it out._MG_8326Dislikes: Getting dressed, getting in the car seat (at times), and sharing a toy she wants to play with.
Sleep: I thought we were headed toward sleeping through the night last month… and then we went back to waking up once to nurse. I really don’t mind because I tend to wake up a lot at night now anyway.
Nicknames: Baba, Baba Grace, Monkey, Scooter._MG_8108Milestones, etc.: -She is actually crawling, not just scooting! She started this 3 days after her birthday!
-She can pull herself up into a standing position, but has only done it a couple of times.

-She’s definitely understanding and responding to words/requests… such as wave, clap, kiss, etc.

-She helps get herself dressed by actually pushing her arms and head through her shirt now.

-She grabs her toy remote, holds it up to her ear, and consistently says “ehhhh?” before cracking the biggest smile. Makes me laugh every time! She’s also really good at imitating brushing her hair.

-She’s definitely started throwing “mini-tantrums”, where she throws her whole body backwards because she is upset and can’t do whatever it is she wants. It’s nothing too crazy, but she’s definitely forming her own opinions about things!

-This isn’t really a milestone to celebrate, but she is crazy when she nurses now. If she isn’t kicking me, grabbing my face, or pulling my hair, then she’s distracted by something else in the room, which makes nursing impossible. I love that time with her, but I really prefer it to be calm!

Dear Kaelyn,

This has been the fastest year of your mommy’s life… but definitely one of the best. I have loved watching you grow and change. It all happened so subtly that I still sometimes think you’re a tiny baby, until I see you crawling, exploring, and discovering who you are. Then I remember… you’re a big girl now! You show us a little more of your budding personality every day. We love it._MG_8150I love you so much princess. Thanks for picking us as your family.

Love, Mommykaelynmonth12collage12 months of Kaelyn! I cannot believe we started out with a tiny 5.5-pound cutie!kaelyn1yearcollage

five on friday: happy things!

We’re slipping back into normalcy around here with a Five on Friday post! Here are some of my favorite things lately:

ONE. This donut recipe. Mmmm. I could eat these all day every day. They have the best texture of any cake donut I’ve made thus far, and are just so moist that it’s got to be illegal or something.

TWO. Summer days, green grass, fresh air, and watching my babies enjoy all of it. We have had absolutely perfect weather for playing outdoors most of this week. The rest of the world would probably consider these to be more like springtime temperatures, but hey, I’ve definitely enjoyed a break from the heat. We’ve had our windows open (instead of using A/C) and I love it.

THREE. It’s safe to say that baby laughter will always be one of my favorite things.

A video posted by Tara (@tarairwin) on

FOUR. I’m extra grateful for these simple, yet sweet, moments with my little girl. She loved riding the seesaw with mommy (and technically Kaelyn too, since I was wearing her in the Ergo)!

FIVE. This crazy guy. I kind of love him. And yes, we totally took a #carselfie for no reason other than that we could. Happy Friday!!!06292015collage1Linking up with April today!

jax is gone

I know the blog has been pretty heavy with emotion this week, with all these posts about Kaya’s dog bite. This will be the last one, at least for now.

I just keep thinking that if I finish writing all this, it’ll be easier to keep moving forward.

So… the question that everyone wants to know the answer to: where is Jax?_MG_1760

The day after the bite, we drove him back down to the Bedford Humane Society, where we originally adopted him two years ago. They are a no-kill shelter and promised they would always take him back. He at least has a chance at a new life in a home without children. If we had just turned him over to animal control, a happy ending would have been far-fetched.

We tried to do the right thing for him and for us.

He was never an aggressive dog. Everyone loved and trusted him. The only way I could have imagined the incident happening is that he was asleep, was somehow startled, and thought he needed to defend himself. One week after it happened, Kaya indeed told me that Jax was asleep, she hugged him, and then he bit her.

He made a serious mistake that could have easily been repeated, and there is no way I could risk that with my precious children.

He was a part of the family, and even though he betrayed my trust and did wrong, we are definitely mourning his absence._MG_1173

Kaya asks about him every single day. She still loved him when we said goodbye. I was too angry at the time to even say anything to him.

Now there’s less anger and mostly just sadness.

I lost my running partner. My cuddle buddy. My shadow. My pal.

It hurts to think that I’ll never see him romp through the snow again, give him an empty jar of peanut butter to lick clean, or invite him up onto the bed to snuggle for a nap.

I can only hope he finds those joys with someone else now.

The house is quieter. Lonelier.

I wanted my children to grow up with a dog, and now I don’t know if they ever will. I don’t know what animal I can trust after all this.

Goodbye, Jax. I’m so sad it had to end this way between us._MG_4061

the dog bite story

I wish I didn’t even have to share a blog post with that title.

But this blog is my family’s history, so here it is. Kaya is healing nicely, but my emotions are still raw from what happened last Tuesday. Looking at these pictures still completely breaks my heart.

I am including a picture of the open wound and details about the injury, so if you don’t handle that kind of thing very well, you might want to skip this post.

It was a pretty normal day. Both kids seemed a little extra tired and cranky, so instead of heading out for a walk or going to the pool like we do on most mornings, we stayed at home.

Kaya asked to eat lunch early that day. She sat up in the high chair, happily singing and eating while I did some dishes and the baby played with Tupperware containers at my feet. She finished her meal pretty quickly, so I helped her down and she kept singing and dancing in the kitchen while I continued to clean up.

She left my side for what had to have been less than a minute. I heard her singing in the living room, and then I heard it.

It wasn’t even a full growl. Just a soft noise that was definitely from the dog.

And then Kaya was screaming.

“MOMMY!!!”

We ran to each other as blood started pouring down her face and onto the kitchen floor.

I couldn’t believe it. Jax bit Kaya.

I scooped her up and ran into the bathroom.

Do I call 911? There’s blood everywhere. My baby is bleeding. 911? No, it’s her head, she’ll be okay. We can drive her to the hospital ourselves. Call Michael.

I sat her up on the sink counter and attempted to call Daddy. My hands couldn’t do it. What were the right buttons? Blood was splattering everywhere… Her clothes. My shirt. The phone. The counter. The floor… We were covered.

I moved her to the tub and stripped her down. I think it was at this moment that I realized Jax was still loose, so I yelled at him to get in his kennel. I slammed the cage door and screamed louder than I ever have in my life.

Kaelyn was screaming and scooting herself down the hallway to get to us. She definitely sensed our fright.

I was washing the blood off her face and trying to get the laceration on her forehead to stop bleeding. I should have applied more pressure to it from the start, but in my panic I feel like my brain wasn’t really working. I put pressure on it then, cleaned it with some hydrogen peroxide, and somehow managed to get Michael on the phone. We couldn’t even hear each other because of all the screaming and crying, but I somehow managed to text him and he headed home right away. This happened right around noon, so he was able to get a ride with someone who was going out for lunch. He normally takes the bus, so it was a big tender mercy that he was able to get home quickly.

I wrapped her up in just a towel and held her in my arms until Michael came through the door. Every time she cried, more blood would rush out.

She was so relieved when Daddy was there to snuggle her.
_MG_8112

Our friend Alayna was able to come over and stay with Kaelyn while we took care of Kaya. We called the urgent care clinic covered by our insurance, and they told us to bring her down to see if they could take care of it without us having to go to the emergency room. They cleaned her up a bit, but the verdict was that she would need to go to the hospital to get her stitches.

While we were there, I noticed a text message from a friend at church- her husband was working up in the ER that day, and she suggested that we ask to see him. He has a background with plastics and stitches, so we headed over there and did just that.

It was another tender mercy- our church friend was getting on his shift right as we were arriving at the hospital.

He took great care of Kaya, as if she were his own daughter, and referred us to the plastic surgeon. I am so grateful. We were put in the very best place we could be in the very bad situation we were in.

We packed our little girl up in the car one more time and headed over to the plastic surgeon to finally get those stitches. She was so utterly exhausted by this point.

The plastic surgeon took us in the back as soon as we walked in. He strongly suggested that we leave the room so that Kaya might not resist as much while they were trying to stitch her up. We did, and we heard her fighting tooth and nail the entire time she was gone. They wrapped her up like she was in a cocoon and one nurse held her in her lap for the stitches. All we could hear was screaming and crying and “Daddddddy” and “Mommmmmmmy”. My poor baby was such a trooper.

The doctor told us that the laceration on her forehead was down to the bone, and he was worried that the punctures around her eye could cause an internal infection. He prescribed an eye ointment and an antibiotic._MG_8114

We camped out in her room for a couple of nights so she wouldn’t have to be alone. Anything for this little girl.

I feel like I love her 100 times more than I already did since all this happened. I’m so grateful for all the tender mercies we received that day and in the days after. We have definitely seen the hand of God through all this.

She has been healing so well, with no sign of infection.dogbitehealingkaya

On Monday, she had her stitches removed. We celebrated with ice cream, and she was the happiest girl in the world. We do have to keep steri-strips, followed by tape, on it for another 5 weeks or so. I’m so happy to see both of her bright, beautiful eyes open again!Thank you to everyone who has offered prayers, love, and support. It’s meant the world to our little family.